It’s the day after Halloween. I hadn’t kept up this blog in nearly a year. But this Halloween season brings me back to one of the reasons why I’ve neglected this blog: Creeps. Scary, creepy creeps. They watch you, find out your political beliefs differ from theirs (or from those who are in power), and they hunt you down (or those in power send them to hunt you down.) There are lots of creeps out and about these days. That’s why the surveillance cameras are out and about–so the creeps can watch you more closely!
I once looked out my bedroom window and saw that a surveillance camera on a building across the parking lot faced my room. I’m sure it wasn’t powerful enough to photograph me in my bedroom though. Nah. Besides, the people behind the camera aren’t interested in me, right? They’re interested in capturing criminals. And I’m not a criminal. I am often critical of the government but that’s not against the law, right? We have the freedom to express our opinions, even when some wealthy, powerful people don’t like what we have to say, right? I’d like to ask experts such as Michael Hastings or Edward Snowden about this but, sadly, neither is available for comment at this time and for different reasons. But I think I’m right in saying that we Americans have freedom of speech and without any repercussions, right? Nothing bad happens to us when we criticize the government because we have every right to do so, as we live in a free and democratic country. Our government is run by and for the people. Our laws exist to help us. They exist for our own good.
Ehem. (Sorry, had to clear my throat. Allergies, you see. Allergies.)
On another occasion, I walked into a public restroom and entered a stall. Guess what I saw when I looked up? Yep, a surveillance camera. And if I could see it from the toilet then… Well, you know. (If you can see the camera, usually the camera can see you too. Ho!) When I confronted the receptionist in the building, she insisted the camera wasn’t near the toilets. Oh, but it was, my friend. It was. She then explained there were crimes being committed in the bathroom…
(My guess is that the “crimes” she was referring to were homeless people looking for a place to spend the night. Or perhaps people using more toilet paper than they really should. Women use more toilet paper than men, okay? So what’s the problem? We can’t help it. It’s biology, ya’ know. Does it cost an extra dollar per day to operate a women’s restroom due to the toilet paper shortage? Is that why you want to spy on me when I pee? To intimidate me so I don’t use your bathroom and you can save on toilet paper costs? Are you going to start limiting the number of toilet paper squares per person per day? What of those of us with allergies who must use extra toilet paper on occasion? Oh, what’s to become of us?)
Okay, so that fear of toilet paper thievery gives you the right to watch me pee? Yes, yes, I understand the stress that a toilet paper shortage can cause. Americans don’t like to help each other anymore, so heaven forbid that the person in the adjacent stall hands you a “spare square” out of the goodness of her heart. But seriously, does watching me pee help you to prevent crime? Sorry, but I’m confused on this one. I like to think of myself as an educated person but… Please explain. I’ve used numerous public restrooms all over the country and have yet to see a crime committed in one of them. Nor have I felt fearful of using the bathroom, though I’m sure you’d like me to develop that kind of fear. But I’m fearless in that respect, so boo on you! (Actually the thing that scares me is you–you and your darn obsession with fear, surveillance, and control!)
Yep, the boo’s on you!
But it seems most Americans are okay with the surveillance–even in the bathrooms. And that’s the most disturbing thing of all.
“As long as nothing’s happened to me, I don’t care,” is the response I usually hear. In other words, “I only care about myself. Why should I care about anyone else?” Selfishness and greed keep Americans from unionizing and fighting for each other instead of against each other. And that’s the real reason this country’s falling apart.
But what happens when the people behind the surveillance cameras are the criminals themselves? (They’ll use the cameras to spy on us so that we can’t prevent them from committing crimes.)
What happens when laws are written up by lawbreakers? (They’ll break the law by creating laws that break the law, laws that violate our Constitution and Bill of Rights, for example.)
What happens when what I think is right equals what they think is wrong and vice versa? (They’ll arrest me for doing what I think is right but offer me a reward if I just start doing things that I think are wrong.)
When an unpatriotic law that violates the very principles a country was founded upon is called “The Patriot Act” and forced upon the people by a government that claims to be run by and for the people? (Then a country is no longer democratic and its government has become a terrorist–a wealthy, powerful and very dangerous terrorist that is itself unpatriotic and an enemy to the very people it claims to protect and serve.) Much scarier than Halloween, right? Lions and tigers and bears–tasers and cameras and drones, oh my!
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. He’s just there to watch you and make sure you’re not doing anything he decides is “wrong.” (So you shouldn’t be watching him.)
We need to protect his privacy, so we won’t tell you who he is or why he’s spying on you, but we will tell you this: He’s conducting an in-depth investigation of you. But you have nothing to worry about because you haven’t done anything wrong… so just pretend you’ve never heard this. In fact, this is an order: keep your mouth shut! Don’t tell anyone, or else! He’s going to find out when and where you were born, whom you sleep with currently, when you first had sex (oops, said the “s” word, sorry–please don’t tell me that’s illegal now too–I’m allergic to fascism, makes me sneeze, wheeze, and break out into hives), how you did it, why you did it, what you said to the guy/gal when you were done, and how your parents reacted. Oh, and what were you wearing that day? That’s important too. Might be a clue that will lead us to the terrorists. After all, terrorists have sex too. And they often wear clothes. So what you’re wearing and how, when and where you have sex are all related to capturing terrorists. Yes, in this way, having sex is a lot like carrying a full-sized tube of toothpaste on an airplane. Terrorists do it, so if you do it, you might be a terrorist too. “Birds do it, terrorists do it, even educated fleas do it…” Hmm… Sounds a lot like a song.
(By the way, in many states there are laws regulating sexual activity. To be frank (or anyone really), certain types of sex acts are illegal. This indicates that those in power have had an interest for a very long time now in monitoring what we do in the privacy of our own homes. (And this is not only true in the United States.) If we agree to surveillance cameras being necessary for stopping crime then we must agree to the placement of such cameras in our bedrooms and bathrooms, since laws exist that regulate what we can/can not do with our erstwhile “private” parts. In fact, since sex is being regulated, we could justify surveillance cameras being placed everywhere. The police could watch us pee, just to make sure we’re not engaging in a sex act while going to the bathroom. And, of course, new laws could be enacted that regulate how, when and where we can pee, as peeing “improperly” could offend the people who are watching us.) Many surveillance cameras are also equipped with microphones so they can hear us pee too. So they’ll know if we’re pretending to pee. And if we threaten to kill the President while we pee, they’ll hear that too, and that will keep us safe from terrorism. Oh there’s so much the surveillance cameras can do for the powers that be! The possibilities for oppressing and controlling the masses are endless! Insert maniacal laughter here… Mwoo ha ha!!!
The man behind the NSA/DHS curtain also needs to know where you went to school, what you studied, and why you never chose college. Why did you drop that Poli Sci class? Was it too hard for you? Did you really think your 8th grade teacher was sexy? What are your favorite foods, songs, socks, underwear? Why did you stop dating that man? Why did you stop shopping at that store? Why are you attracted to men who are blonde? Why do they need to be tall? Why do you listen to heavy metal, i.e., the devil’s music? Why don’t you go to church? Why don’t you drive a nice car like everyone else in your neighborhood? Why are you taking a bus–are you a drug dealer? He needs to know all these things, but don’t worry. He’s looking for terrorists and drug dealers. And that’s not you…yet.
What’s a terrorist?
Well, I’m glad you asked that because you might be one, depending on what we decide one is. Right now, a terrorist is anyone who reads the Koran. Tomorrow, it might be anyone who doesn’t read the Bible. So pay attention. We’ll inform you of what you can/can’t read…I mean… that is to say… we’ll inform you of what conditions you’ll need to meet in order to be/not be a “terrorist” by our standards. And remember, our standards may change at any time and with little or no notice.
But usually we’ll tell you ahead of time. We’ll broadcast it all over the media, and it’ll be mainstream news as soon as we know what our current definition of “terrorist” will be. In the meantime, just relax and allow us to surveil you. Pretty soon, you’ll get used to it, and you’ll just know intuitively what it is we want/don’t want you to say or do. Right now, we’re all just going through a transformation, but don’t worry. Your children will grow up accustomed to being under constant surveillance, so it won’t be so hard for them. It’ll just be normal. If they get rebellious and start thinking out-of-the norm, i.e., “terrorist” thoughts, we’ll just prevent them from finding jobs so they won’t be able to influence our society with their rebellious thoughts. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll send them to a mental institution or, better yet, to Guantanamo. But don’t worry about that either. We’ll apply a few of our enhanced interrogation techniques. That’ll destroy their terrorist thinking. Within a short time, they’ll learn their lesson and be back home before you even knew they were gone. They probably won’t even remember what happened to them–or much of anything else anymore. (Thanks to the National Defense Authorization Act, which works quite well with the Patriot Act, we don’t need to even tell you or anyone else that we’ve arrested your children. So you need not worry about them at all. When they disappear, just know they’ll magically reappear, as soon as we’re done with them.) –Maniacal laugh continues, gradually gets louder until it’s all you can hear. It drowns out all other sounds. Even the television set, that brainwashing tool, can no longer be heard. Mwoo ha ha! MWOO HA HA! HAHAHA!
And, eventually, you lose your ability to hear entirely.